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Darkest Hour

1/25/2018

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This one is for those who are suffering. The ones who are in the depths of illness, injury, chronic pain or conditions. Those who feel like each day is a battle. The ones who wake up many times in a night, flattened by pain, or sickness. 

I know that you're out there. I hear you. - First, let me extend my deepest sympathies to you for what you must endure every moment. It's hard for many to fathom. My own experience, as limited as it was, has opened up my insight to what your world can be like. 

You see, as a boy of 11, I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in my left arm, given a 4% or less chance of survival if my left arm was amputated, underwent intense chemotherapy, some of which put me in a decently sized coma. I endured dozens and dozens of surgeries and had more medical problems, drug reactions, and late nights spent in sleep;ess agony than I care to talk about here. The point is that I know some of what it's like to go through pain, anguish, self consciousness, and the 3 am feeling that you are truly alone, desolate, and, in some sense, just waiting through each moment in the hopes that it will, one day, eventually stop hurting, 

My mother, diagnosed with breast cancer years after I went into remission, once said to me "You know, everybody talks about how I'm so brave. But I don't feel very brave at all." I told her "Now you know. Courage isn't there when the grand rah rah speeches are given at fundraisers. It's there at 3 am, when you are grinding it out and it feels like there is no end in site. Courage exists when you have the guts to live another hour.."

And I suppose that's what I want to leave you with today. No matter your situation, whether it be physical pain, illness, or injury and/or emotional, psychological, or spiritual unrest and pain - remember that courage exists just in the next moment. And in the moment after that. You just have to keep living and surviving from one moment to the next. 

Know that I and others like me know that you are out there. We know that you are struggling. And we ask you to stay strong. Keep surviving. Because once you come out of the darkness that surrounds you, you will carry a power and conviction that seldom ever glimpse. The world needs more people like that..
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