Despite my dark and more than a little self absorbed ramblings here, behind the walls that I so carefully have constructed around my inner most self; the truth is that I am a romantic. More than anyone may ever know, save those who listen to my music or read my writing. That is where I come alive and my inner most expressions spill forth. Those are truly who I am, unabashedly and openly. If I've learned how to do anything at all, it's to bleed into the music or onto the page. Sometimes, I think that it's really ALL that I know how to do.
I made many of the classic decision in my life that many have, trying to in someway hide elements of my deeply eccentric and emotional self in order to "fit in", to gain the approval of mentors, clients, bosses, etc. But I've never been any good at it.
It was only after I completely began giving up that tactic and playing my authentic self that things began to change. My oddness became the thing that kicked open doors for me. My voice began to be the thing that got me jobs. That kept me in jobs. My deconstructionist ways of thinking became methods of making things better in situations where things were stale. In other words, I eventually learned to embrace my weirdness.
Now, whenever I can impart that experience to others (especially younger people), I always do. Maybe I'm a slow learner, a bit behind the curve. Having to learn thins the hard way is definitely not a new theme in my life. However, this message has really cut a large path in my life and I'm all the better for it. There is a definitive point where I stopped caring and starting being. It's always evolving, but it's the most authentic I've ever been.
And that's made me the happiest I've ever been.