I remember it all very clearly. In 2005, I had traveled with my parents and brothers to the small town of Walsh, Colorado for a family reunion from my paternal grandmother's side. We were the "big city" family arriving as dog and pony show, guitars in tow. We performed songs for our surprisingly large group of relatives, ate too much fried food, and had a wonderful time. But then, there was the incident...
One of my cousins was riding outside in one of those Power Wheels trucks - the little electric motor cars that could still pack a bit of a punch when your niece drove it into your knees at 10 mph. Anyway, the rest of us were standing around inside talking when we suddenly heard it; a loud bang followed by a cry of pain.
Instantly, my brother David turned and ran for the door in the direction of the sound. By the time everyone else had made it outside, David had found my cousin, unhurt but underneath a capsized toy car, had corrected it and pulled her up to safety. My cousin was fine, just shocked.
My brother's reaction was powerful to me. Whereas I had to think before acting, he was instantaneous, taking full responsibility the moment he had to handle something. It made me reconsider how I acted in such situations. I wasn't jealous, but in a way I was amazed.
Why couldn't I take action with such clarity, with such surety. It has taken me many years to unravel some of what is behind it, for me, anyway. For my brother, I think a lot of it is innate. However, he isn't like that in every area, including areas where I move with confidence.
In the end, whatever the arena being played in, that surety comes from mindset. From ownership and from believing that you really are the only one who can fix whatever it is. I work on this mindset every day still, never mastering it, but always (hopefully) getting better. I suppose that's the best I can do...For now.